Self-titled

Long time no post. My apologies. I know several (or at least one of you...lisa...) check my blog almost daily to see if i've updated. well, here you go. an update.
i can't remember if i have expressed my fear of retardation on this blog before, so if i have, please forgive me.
I have a fear that I am retarded and no one is telling me. This fear has been greatly diminished due to extensive counseling from Mr. Midcalf who assured me that a retarded person wouldn't have the logic to think through the circumstances as much as I do. For that, I am thankful.
So maybe I'm not retarded. Maybe I just look and talk as though I am. For instance, today I wore an outfit that was completely unflattering. The sad part is that it was premeditated. Jeans, a Castles and Cabins sweatshirt, a celtics hat and slippers. Even worse? I went to the mall.
I guess the mall isn't a big deal for me. Some people get decked out. Jewelry, heels, make-up. come on people! it's the mall. really. all that is there is a bunch of mall employees and a few shoppers. no one to impress.
perhaps my outfit bothered me most because i harass my sister about going to run errands in windpants. i tell her that she need to look wonderful anytime she leaves the house. that even though she is a wife and mother, she ought to always look her best. she always laughs and says, "Jen. i'm just running to cvs to get milk. i'm fine." I then gasp and say, "when i'm married with kids i am going to get all dolled up for when my husband comes home every day and look my best - even for errands."
maybe my outfit today just scared me. i saw myself in a reflection and thought, "maybe i should have put more effort in today...what if i met my future husband...in THIS outfit."
oh well. it was my day off. it was a first time (and rare) thing. and besides...dawn said some guys like an everyday girl like that. hahahaha. maybe i should do it everyday and see what happens!
one of my friends at church tonight asked if i was at Ruby Tuesday's for lunch today. I said yes...then immediatly wished i had redirected the conversation so i could avoid answering. i winced and said, "where you there? did you see my outfit?" she said yes. eek.
speaking of outfits, i would like to do an experiment. i would like to dress up as different people (like a nerd, woman WAY out of style, mom with a bratty kid, etc.), and see how each "person" gets treated.
anyway, those are my random thoughts for the day. which reminds me. do retards have verbal filters or do they spew everything out like i just did?